Why I Joined Oraynu … and Why I’ve Stayed

By SANDI HORWITZ

I grew up in what I would call a pseudo-Orthodox home in Montreal.  We belonged to an Orthodox shul, had two sets of dishes (oops, three – one for the Chinese food!), and at Passover, we could never read the Haggadah in English. I was told it would be sacrilegious not to do it in Hebrew, even though no one at the table understood a word of it!  Needless to say, I developed a healthy skepticism about my Judaism fairly early on and drove my father crazy with all the “why do we have to …?” questions.  The answer was the usual “Because that’s what tradition tells us we HAVE to do!”

In my early twenties, I was about to give up on Judaism, except for lox, bagels, kugel, knishes, kishka, etc. and, of course, feeling all warm and fuzzy while watching “Fiddler on the Roof”.  I was, in other words, a “cultural Jew.” Then I went to Israel and discovered that you didn’t have to be religious to feel Jewish, as there were “secular” Jews everywhere who were still very committed to their Jewish identity.  They just lived their beliefs in a totally different way.  An “aha” moment!

Shortly after the trip, I met Robert, and a year later, we got married and moved to Toronto.  Belonging to a synagogue didn’t become an issue for us until we had kids and wanted to find somewhere to belong.  We checked a few congregations, but felt uncomfortable with all the praying and words that I could not personally connect to.

We heard about Oraynu through a friend, and being that it was around Rosh Hashanah, we decided to try it out.  The service was interesting, lots of good Jewish songs were sung, including “Blowin’ in the Wind”, and we certainly felt comfortable with most of it, except for the fact that we were somewhat overdressed for the event. The lack of dress code (jeans and T’s) and informality of it all made us somewhat uneasy, but the words they were saying were intriguing and drew us in.

It took many months and lots of questions, but we joined the following year, enrolling our older daughter in the Children’s School.  By this time, a new ceremony had been developed, very similar in style to the one we now use — a wonderful, uplifting, secular humanistic observance.  That first Rosh Hashanah service was so emotional for me that, after it was over, I sobbed.  I felt I had finally found a place where I could experience my Judaism in a comfortable way.  I could read and say every word of the program and not feel uneasy. What a “revelation!”

Being a “get-involved-to-enhance-the-experience” person, the programming committee first drew me in, then later, the Board where I served for many years. I’m a singer and musician, and act as the congregation song leader, and have also written songs for both the High Holidays and the B’nai Mitzvah. With others over the years, there were rewrites of the Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur observances, along with a new haggadah, “Roots and Branches: A Humanist Haggadah for Passover. ”  Editing the congregation’s bi-monthly newsletter has also been in my wheelhouse for years. It’s sometimes been exhausting, but also exhilarating.  This is my kind of active, creative, hands-on Judaism! But I recognize, it’s not for everyone as time is often the issue.

Both our daughters went through the excellent B’nai Mitzvah program, and it was a positive experience for both of them. Friends used to think we were in a cult or something, certainly not in a REAL congregation like they were (where they only showed up twice a year!).  For us, it was about finding a place where we could express our Jewishness with integrity and a whole heart.  And, as parents, we knew we had to give our daughters the message that we valued our Judaism on an on-going basis, and to be more than just “Bar/Bat Mitzvah Jews” (those who join only until the kids have had their ceremonies, then quit).  Oraynu has provided that option for us, and being part of a community of like-minded secular, humanistic Jews (and, in some cases, their non-Jewish partners) has been both enlightening and empowering.  It has nourished us spiritually; both Robert and I have met and learned from many amazing people over the years, and we have made some wonderful friends.

Those who cannot find a congregation that feels right will most often choose not to affiliate anywhere.  They are most likely the ones who will assimilate and perhaps be lost to the Jewish people in time.  We didn’t want that to happen to us and are so glad we found our Jewish “home.”  Have you found yours?

Posted on Sept. 14, 2025.